Power Of The Soul
by TJ OR TY
Summary: Willow's thoughts throughout the final season and her final battle.Warning FF pairing.


Disclaimer: i own nothing, apart from a few bills and DVD's, Joss owns them all so please don't sue.

POWER OF THE SOUL

She knew she had to leave soon. Her flight to England left in just a couple of hours and she couldn't miss it. This was her way to start healing and making amends for the pain she caused her friends through her grief. She knew it was gonna take a long time for them to forgive her but she had to do everything she could. Xander had barely let her out of his sight since that day on the hilltop when he stopped her destroying the world.

Now here she was just a couple of days later sitting in front of what made her break and try to end the world.

It was ironic how just when they had found each other again and were happy she was torn away.

She can still remember all the pain and suffering she could feel coming from the world and how she couldn't stand the pain any longer and had to end it all. If it hadn't been for Xander and his stubbornness then there wouldn't be a world left today. Although she still missed Tara she knew that if she had destroyed the world she would never have been able to be near her again. Now she still had hope that one day they would be reunited in another time and place. But until then she still had a lot of damage to repair with her friends and hopefully they would be able to forgive her in time.

She gently placed a single red rose on top of the tombstone and knelt in front of it with silent tears sliding down her face. Now that her rage had dissipated she could finally truly grieve for her partner and love.

_Here Lies _

_Tara McLay_

_Born to the world: 1980_

_Left this life: 2002_

_Her Power Was in Her Heart_

_& Her Soul_

She would never be able to get over Tara's death, how could she. They had only gotten back together a couple of days before after being apart for so long. Her life was finally getting back on track and she was finally happy and magic free before Warren. That day still went round in her head. The what ifs would not go away no matter how much she tried to tell herself that she couldn't change things. Being here now was the only time she felt at all at peace with what had happened. She felt closer to Tara than anywhere else. She gently fingered the ring of Tara's she wore all the time. She closed her eyes and just sat there listening to the breeze blowing around her and knew that Tara was with her. She smiled softly at her memories of Tara.

'Do you remember that first time I saw you? It was during that joke for a wicca group on campus. I remember seeing you sat on the floor trying to be inconspicuous so no one would ask you anything. I couldn't help noticing you there was somethingabout you even then. A light that caught my eye. I could tell you were powerful then but I had no idea how powerful until we started doing spells together. The electricity that went through me that first time when we moved the soda machine and then the rose we exploded in your room. I was falling for you then but I was so scared at first. I think that's the reason I put off introducing you to my friends. I liked what we had and wanted to keep it to myself. I didn't want my friends to know how special you were at first and I know that hurt you. I didn't mean to hurt you and I hope I made it up to you after that. I was so worried when I first told Buffy about us. It was when Oz came back and I had to choose between the two of you. You do know there was never any doubt in my mind that I loved you, it was just I had so much history with Oz and I didn't want to hurt anyone. But in doing that I hurt you. I know I made it up to you that time after Oz had left. The candle was the only thing I could find in my room that would give me any sort of excuse to go and see you. I remember the hurt in your eyes when you opened the door and I told you I had to be with the one I loved. I couldn't believe you thought I meant Oz. I was so scared when I told you I loved you. What if you hadn't felt the same what would I have done then? I remember that night with happy memories after you blew the candle out. I can still remember your touch and the smell of vanilla on your skin. The complete joy and peace I felt in your arms that night and every night after that. The first time I lost you I was so scared. When I found out that Glory was going after you because she thought you were the key I didn't know what to do. I drove as fast as I could to get to the fair all the time wishing that we hadn't had that stupid argument and that I was with you. When I saw Glory do that to you my heart broke. I thought I had lost you for good. Even though she had destroyed your mind I knew your soul was still the same and I swore that I would take care of you forever and never let any harm come to you again. I guess I failed huh. When I found your mind again I was so happy to have you back. I couldn't stop crying when you told me how lost you'd been and how scared you were. The day I got you back I also lost one of my best friends. I don't think I would have survived losing Buffy if you hadn't been with me. I'll always remember how you just held me whilst I cried and how great you always were at taking care of Dawn before Buffy came back. I know I scared you with all the magic I was doing but I couldn't see that at the time. I do now though. I don't know what was going through my mind when I performed that forgetting spell on you. I was just so addicted to the magic that I didn't want to give up. I even lost you because of it. It took nearly killing Dawn to make me realise I needed help. I missed you so much when I stopped performing the magic but I knew I had to completely get over my addiction before I could even hope of being part of your life in any small part again. It was so hard stopping but I knew I had to. It was destroying my life and I needed it back. In those few months everything seemed to remind me of you. At Xanders non-wedding I was so happy to be able to talk to you again and I could still feel that bond between us. You wouldn't believe how many times I went over conversations in my head before approaching you when we started talking again. I was so scared of losing you completely that when I saw you with another woman on campus I completely freaked and did the first thing that came to mind. I ran away from you believing I had lost you. I didn't know you had seen me until the week after when you mentioned it. I was so relieved when you said she was just a friend, but I was still really nervous as you could probably tell in my backward way of asking you out for coffee. I remember sitting there with you and I hadn't felt so happy in a long time. Not since I had lost you. We were just getting close again when Anya interrupted us. I know how much she was hurting and she wanted us to make Xander hurt as well, but he was hurting just as bad and he is one of my oldest friends. That evening I spent in front of a computer breaking into the nerds computer system. I can remember the look on Buffy's face when we saw Spike and Anya on the table in the Magic Box. She looked so heartbroken and betrayed, I had no idea what had been going with her and Spike until you told me. The pain on her face when she left the house after Xander was so heartbreaking but she wouldn't talk to anyone. She came back home that evening got changed and went straight back out again without saying anything to Dawn or me. Dawn had just gone to bed and I was writing in my journal. I didn't hear the door open or you come upstairs. When I heard your voice just outside my room my heart felt like it was going to burst. I can remember everything you said to me that night and I'll never forget it. It's burnt into my memory_. Things fall apart; they fall so hard...You can't ever put them back the way they were... I'm sorry, it's just... you know it takes time. You can't just have coffee and expect --There's so much to work through. Trust has to build again, on both sides...you have to learn if you're even the  
same people you were, if you can fit in each other's lives, it's a long and important process and can we just skip it? Can you just be kissing me now? _I can still remember the taste of your lips that first time. I was so happy. I never wanted to leave your arms again. We didn't get much sleep that night but I wasn't complaining. Deep down I was a bit worried that you would realise you had made a mistake, but than I looked into your eyes and I knew we were right where we were meant to be. Why couldn't things stay like that? Why did that jerk Warren have to take you away from me? Just one small piece of metal and you were torn from my life. Something snapped inside of me. It was like I wasn't me any more. Something took control of me and made me go all crazy. I felt absolutely nothing whilst I tortured Warren, even when I killed him. I couldn't even really grieve for you properly because of the rage inside of me. I can't believe I nearly destroyed the world. I think if Xander hadn't told me how much he loved me and been there with me I might have sent everyone on this planet to hell. I miss you so much Tara and I wish you were still here. I love you so much and I'll remember you forever. I need to get going I've got so much to repair with my friends that I don't know where to start. I'll talk to you real soon but I've gotta go or I'll miss my flight.' Willow gently kissed her fingers and pressed them against Tara's name before standing up and walking over to her car.

It took some time but she eventually began to build her bridges with her friends. They had become as close as before she lost Tara just in time to fight a new evil. Or in this case the first evil. Fighting this battle alongside the Scooby gang were two would-be-slayers who Giles had rescued from being slaughtered. They all knew that there was a good chance that not all of them would survive the final battle but they knew they were together until the end.

One of the would-be-slayers, Kendall, had a bit of a crush on her but she was still grieving over Tara to do anything. It was the day before their final battle that she allowed herself to make a move. She knew that this could be the end and she was afraid. Kendall was there and she was being really caring towards her. She regretted it as soon as her lips met Kendal's but she didn't stop. Whilst Kendall was sleeping she got up and got dressed. She grabbed her car keys and went for a drive. She wasn't really paying that much attention to where she was going and she found herself at the graveyard. She got out of her car and slowly walked to the tree where they had buried Tara. She sat down in front of the grave and started to cry. 'I'm sorry Tara I didn't mean to sleep with Kendall. I'm just so scared and she was there. It didn't mean anything to me but it shouldn't have happened. I still miss you so much and every day I wake up I have to remind myself that you're not with me anymore. I love you so much and I wish you were here with me. This evil we're facing tonight I'm so scared. What if we don't win, then it really would be the end of the world? It's like nothing we've never faced before and I don't know if we can win this time. I'm so scared Tara, why can't you be here with me. I need your strength to get me through this. I'm so lonely without you Tara I want you to come back to me and guide me through. It's been a year since I last held you in my arms and kissed your lips and the pain is still as raw as it was then. I know we're not all gonna survive tonight and I want to ask you to be waiting for me. If I die tonight I want you to be the first person I see so I will know I'm finally home. I love you Tara but it's not long until sunset and then the battle's gonna begin.'

The battle that night was fierce and long. It got hard when it turned out that Giles had been possessed by the first so our entire plan was already known. Buffy couldn't bring herself to destroy his body even though his soul wasn't there anymore and he was essentially already dead. I was the one who chopped his head off and watched as his body crumpled to the ground. I was so preoccupied with watching Giles fall that I didn't sense the bringer behind me until Xander screamed my name. I turned round just in time for his sword to slice through my stomach. I was shocked at first and fell to my knees. With my last bit of strength I shot a ball of flame at the bringer and burnt him up. I was laid on the ground as my life slipped away watching the battle go on around me. I could see a bright light out of the corner of my eye but I had to keep watching Buffy. I had to know she was all right. Before the light completely engulfed me I watched as Buffy strike the fatal blow that destroyed the first. Unfortunately something none of us had realised is that the person who destroys the first must die as well. I watched as Buffy crumbled to the ground shocked as her life force slipped away in a blue light. I rolled slowly onto my back and looked towards the light for the first time. It felt so warm against my skin and I could feel the lightest of touches. As my eyes started to adjust to the light I started to realise that it wasn't just a light but the glow emanating from a person. Slowly the person started to focus and I could feel tears streaking down my cheeks as I realised it was Tara. She had come to get me and for the first time I wasn't scared. I reached my hand up and stroked her cheek. She leant closer to me and whispered that it was time to go home, it was time for us to be together again. She gently kissed my lips and I could feel myself letting go of my old life and embrace my new with Tara.

DAWNS EPILOGUE

It's been five years since that final battle. I wasn't there during it because Buffy wanted me safe. She had sent me on holiday to stay with my dad so I would be as far away as possible. I don't know much about the battle just what Xander told me at the funeral. It was a long battle that lasted most of the night. Giles was the first to die. Of course he had actually been dead a couple of months but we didn't know that. He revealed the truth to them as the battle began and he turned on Buffy taking her off guard. No matter what he did to hurt her she couldn't destroy it because it wore Gile's face. In the end it was Willow who had to strike him down. But as she was doing that she never noticed the bringer behind her. Willow was struck down and died shortly thereafter. Xander told me that when he managed to get to her afterwards she had a small smile on her face and she was holding Tara's ring. I know she was so sad for that last year without Tara, so I'm happy they're reunited again they were always meant to be together. The hardest death for me to comprehend was that of my only sister, Buffy. Xander told me that apparently something they hadn't found out before was that when the First was destroyed it took the life-force of the one who struck the fatal blow to keep it dead. I don't know if Buffy knew this or what. But I know even if she had known she wouldn't have told us in case we had tried to stop her. That's twice that she has given her life to save the world from destruction, but this time there is no bringing her back. She's really gone for good.

Xander and Anya were both pretty beat up and so were the would –be-slayers. They left the morning after the battle to travel together to fight evil. Xander had to spend a couple of days in hospital whilst he recovered. He had a broken arm and concussion but nothing too serious. Anya was just badly beaten up and needed to rest as much as possible. My dad flew back to Sunnydale with me to sort everything out. He tried to argue that Buffy should be buried in Chicago near her family but I told him she would be buried with her family. In Sunnydale with mom and all her friends.

We buried them all together in the same place we had buried Tara and Miss Calendar. I know it's what they would have wanted to be together. I sat in the church trying to comprehend all the pain I had endured over the past couple of years all the people in my life I had lost. There was my mum and then Tara, which was hard. But then I lost Buffy and Willow, who were the rest of my family after mom died. I've never been close with my dad, especially after him and mum split up and he left us. That's why I told him I wanted to stay with the only family I had left. He looked hurt at that comment but I told him that I needed to stay close to Buffy and Mom and everyone because they had essentially brought me up. Xander was great and promised to look after me in his new apartment. Anya said she'd look out for me as well. Dad eventually agreed and he left not long after the funeral.

Today is the fifth anniversary of their death and I've come back from college to be here. Xander met me at the airport with open arms. He's been so great to me and treats me like his little sister. We got to the graveyard not long after sunset with six roses for the graves. I wasn't shocked when I saw Spike sat in front of Buffy's grave. He has changed so much in the last four years. His soul is making the pain of losing Buffy hurt so much. Well that's what he says. I know he loved her before and it would have hurt him just as much without his soul as it does now. He looked up at me with blood tears sliding down his face. I walked up and crouched down next to him. I wiped a tear from his cheek leaving a red smear across it and asked him how he was doing. He told me he missed her so much and nothing made the hurting go away, he had spent the last five years trying to find a way to bring her back but there was nothing he could do. He just couldn't let her go, that would mean waking up and knowing she was never coming back and then his life was useless. I hugged him tightly and told him that he would survive like the rest of us had but it would take time.

When I got up this morning Xander was sat waiting for me. Apparently he had gone back to the graveyard just before sunrise and Spike had been there again. He had tried so hard to make him go home but he just sat leaning against Buffy's headstone saying that he wanted to be with her. Xander hadn't been able to do anything as Spike watched his first sunrise in about 200 years before burning up. I asked him what he had done with the ashes and he told me he had left them on the grave because Spike wanted to be with Buffy.

We're leaving tonight for LA. Angel has invited us to stay with him for a couple of weeks. I can't wait because I haven't seen Angel, Cordy Wesley or Gunn in ages. I always have so much fun there especially with Gunn and Fred they're so funny. Last time I went Cordy's son Connor was only a year old, he's five now and I can't wait to see him again. It was quite hard on her when she first had him. He looks a lot like Angel and a lot of people assume that he's the father. There's only those close to her who know the truth, that's it was Angels son Connor who fathered her baby. He died before the baby was born in a battle with an old warrior. Since then Angel has sworn to bring the child up as his own. Him and Cordelia are a couple now and are really happy together. They even managed to find a spell so Angel's soul was permanent and he could be as happy as he wanted.


End file.
